I remember the first time I saw him. I was a gonner. I utterly loved him from that first day. A life changing moment that this little six year old had no idea he had just inspired.
I had always wanted to be a Mum, and here I was at 23 years old being given the opportunity to love and care for a child in my life, who was completely unexpected. He already had a Mum (and she is one hell of a woman!) so I certainly wasn’t trying to replace her, but it was more about just loving him totally anyway, in that special way that Mothers in the truest sense of the word do. In that open and unconditional way. That love has bloomed, flourished, been tested, and blossomed over nearly two decades (I said that for dramatic effect…it’s really just been about 17.5 years…I like to be accurate). I can truly say that he is still my great treasure, my heart fills with absolute adoring love when I think of him and goes off the richter scale when I see him.
The first night I met The Hotness he told me he had a son. My honest first reaction and gut instinct was “How Fantastic!”. I didn’t know what it would mean. I didn’t understand anything really about how big an impact on my being and my future this man and eventually little man was about to make. I knew I had to be careful about it. I knew I had to be kind. At 23 I had just left my homeland and was starting my European adventure. I had no intention of staying, I always thought I would go ‘home’.
I did make a decision though, quite early on. People have since asked me many times about how I coped not ever going back to live in New Zealand. There were times it was quite hard and in particular I really missed my people, but sitting on the fence, being one foot out the door was never going to work. Totally committing to the two of them was the only way to make ME feel better. It is because that is what I really wanted to do. Almost no matter what it meant, it just felt right. When things feel right like that they aren’t hard decisions. When you are committed, when you remove the noise and you let go of all those nagging if’s, but’s and maybe’s it gives you freedom. To love.
So here I am on the eve of Kid 1 coming home (we don’t live in the same Country at the moment (sob)). I cannot wait to see his precious face.
I’ll keep you posted.